SINCE 2016, I’VE heard the term “election stress disorder” a lot, but I’ve only recently begun to take it seriously. The phrase was introduced by the couples therapist Steven Stosny, Ph.D., during the Clinton–Trump race to describe the effects of the heightened anxiety we feel ahead of an election. Stosny tells me he coined the term after watching an election-related video on his iPad. “I forget which candidate said something really stupid,” he says, “but I snapped at my wife about crumbs on the counter, which I have never done before.”
He began asking his clients, couples who come to him for help with chronic resentment and anger, to pay attention to what behaviors typically preceded their arguments. Many told him that they’d been watching or reading the news before big disagreements. Stosny saw that stress over the election was seeping into personal relationships. In addition to symptoms such as body tension (especially before turning on or reading the news), intrusive thoughts about headlines, increased alcohol and drug use, and restless sleep, his patients found themselves experiencing heightened irritation with loved ones and “compassion fatigue”—they were having a harder time empathizing and being kind.
Early this summer, I started to notice that I had more anxiety and less patience for my friends and family when the election came up in conversation. I expect some degree of tension ahead of any election cycle, but this summer it felt magnified. Stosny confirms that it’s not just me. Amid clashing messages about the devastating war in Ukraine, the conflict in Gaza, massive demonstrations, and even an assassination attempt, the nation is bitterly divided. “It’s not even really a divided nation; it’s segmented,” Stosny says. “It’s not two sides. It’s many sides, and these many sides are in conflict. All of that raises the general anxiety level.”
Where before I might have been able to vent to my loved ones, now even conversations with people whose political views I align with make me feel tense. In June, for instance, I was catching up with a friend over happy hour when I accidentally brought up the election. I mentioned it offhandedly, in reference to travel plans, but my friend made a second offhanded comment in response. We had entered the election-talk vortex and were soon mired in a discussion that neither of us wanted to have. We vote for the same party and share a position on many issues, but still we went back and forth, arguing over things like the fitness of our then candidate, among other stressors. I felt like I was crouched over a Twister game, trying to keep a limb on so many different camps that I kept contradicting myself and crashing to the ground (conversationally). I mindlessly ate a platter of tater tots to self-soothe.
Neuroscientist Keith Payne, Ph.D., agrees that the many-layered divisions Americans are wading through are ballooning our stress. Payne is the author of Good, Reasonable People: The Psychology Behind America’s Dangerous Divide, which will be published in October. In the book, he explains why our minds are so inclined to lock in on opinions, even ones that we don’t actually care much about—and even when the end result is a sinking feeling (and a tater-tot brick) in the stomach that accompanies a sour night with a loved one. “We’re all trying to prove to ourselves and to other people that we’re good, reasonable people and that the social groups that we belong to are filled with good, reasonable people. And as soon as somebody challenges the beliefs that are tied to those identities—or says, no, you don’t know what you’re talking about; this is a fact and you’re wrong—it’s threatening to the sense that we’re a good and reasonable person. That’s the source of the stress, I think.”
This instinct to protect our positive perceptions of ourselves is known as the “psychological immune system.” The psychological immune system is necessary for us to function in the world: It is the same mechanism that helps us rebuild our self-worth after going through a bad breakup or being fired. But like the actual immune system, Payne says, the psychological immune system can go into overdrive. Just as a whiff of cat dander can cause our bodies to react in ways dramatic and inconvenient, a casual comment from a friend over beers can cause our psychological immune system to overreact.
The problem is that ahead of an election, our views are constantly being challenged. Every time we glance up at the news playing on an airport-gate television, open Instagram, or hop into a Lyft with a wild-card driver who says he will vote for “whichever candidate will get women back into the home,” we are liable to feel like our sense of ourselves is being attacked. It’s all very stressful, and to simply tune it out is not just undemocratic; it’s pretty much impossible.
“You’re going against a million years of evolution if you try to ignore it,” Stosny says. But there’s hope: There are ways to tame your reactions to headlines, incendiary rideshare drivers, and well-meaning friends. This year, Stosny says, he tried to watch the first general election debate as an interested observer rather than as an impassioned voter. He adds that this may be easier for him because his job involves sitting back and observing couples in his sessions. “But I think anybody can do it,” he says. “You just decide that you’re going to watch without judgment. Your brain only processes information that confirms your judgment and ignores or disregards information that contradicts it due to confirmation bias. So what you have to do is just suspend judgment. Decide, ‘I am going to just watch how these people are.’ And it’s fascinating.” In the stories in this package, we’ll offer you many other such strategies to help you surf the chaos—tater tots not required.
How to Talk About Politics Without Losing Your Mind
Everything’s Fine! How to Find Humor When the World Feels Like a Dumpster Fire
11 People In the Thick of Things Explain How They Keep It Together
These ASMR Workouts Stop Election Stress Fast
Use This Expert-Backed, 8-Week Guide to Manage Election Stress
Get Josh Johnson’s look (lead image): Brooks Brothers Suit and Shirt; Tie Bar Tie. Get Troy Iwata’s look (lead image): Brooks Brothers Suit and Shirt; Tie Bar Tie
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