In cruising the news headlines each day in search of gun-related news, including legitimate stories of defensive gun use, we come across a lot of stories where people “claim” self-defense, but it later turns out to be anything but. In a number of cases, it’s a suspect claim right from the start. We also occasionally come across some strange ways people die or are killed. But this has to be among the strangest.

News out of Rapid City, South Dakota, courtesy of WTVO is that 44-year-old Pedro Simental is apparently a big fan of the Denver Broncos. He’s such a big fan that when Edleigha Little, 40, allegedly ripped the Broncos jersey he was wearing at the Stardust Motel, he struck her…and killed her…with of all things a can of beans.

Paramedics were called to the scene and Little tragically died a few hours later. The Rapid City Journal reported that the medical examiner said Little’s death was caused by blunt force trauma to the left side of her head.

Simental reportedly told police “he may have struck” the woman in the head with a can of beans.

He has since been charged with first-degree manslaughter for the November 10, 2023, incident according to KOTA. And unlike some people, he didn’t trot out a self-defense argument. His defense is possibly even stranger than the use of a can of beans as a weapon as revealed in a court appearance he had Monday, July 22.

According to KOTA:

Monday, Simental’s lawyer argued he needed ten years’ worth of Little’s medical records to show that the hematoma that caused her death was not from blunt-force trauma. The defense claimed Little was a “severe alcoholic” and her years of drinking could have caused the hematoma after one of the state’s doctors said her hematoma was spontaneous.

Yes, a hematoma, as defined by the National Cancer Institute is “a pool of mostly clotted blood that forms in an organ, tissue or body space…is usually caused by a broken blood vessel that was damaged by surgery or an injury. It can occur anywhere in the body, including the brain.” And it did “spontaneously” occur—when she was “spontaneously” struck in the head by Simental, who has already admitted as much to police, with a can of beans.

But a lawyer has to try something. So, in this case, Simental’s attorney is suggesting Little’s alleged alcoholism led to the hematoma, which just happened to randomly occur at the same rough time as she was struck in the head with a can of beans but was not the result of being struck by said beans.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Had Little had a firearm and used it to defend herself, assuming ripping Simental’s jersey was an accident and not out of malice, in which the law would likely consider her the initial aggressor, would she have been justified for using a gun to defend herself against someone armed only with a can of beans?

Many state’s laws surrounding self-defense require a person to use no more force than is required to stop an attack or rather call for commensurate force meaning it is in the same proportion as the force being used against the person. For example, if you’re a 35-year-old man of average build and normal abilities and get in a fist fight with a guy roughly your size and age, you can’t legally whip out a knife or a gun and take the guy out because you’re losing the fight. But if he comes at you with an object, say, a can of beans, that changes the equation. How much it changes might depend on the lawyers trying and defending the case as much as the judge and jury hearing the case. In this case, Little would’ve obviously had a legitimate defense had she been able to defend herself. Sadly, she wasn’t.

For Simental, his attorney is trying a novel legal approach, but just guessing here, it looks like unless there are other mitigating factors, he’s going to be watching this season’s Denver games from the day room in gen pop. Better hope the biggest dude in the cell block isn’t a Raiders fan.